


"I hate that name."

by aGrimTurtle



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Character Development, F/F, Nomad V (Cyberpunk 2077), Romance, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:48:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28766586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aGrimTurtle/pseuds/aGrimTurtle
Summary: The night before V enters The Embers and enters a point of no return in her journey, she pays a visit to Judy, and, knowing very well it could be her last chance, tells Judy something she has to get off her chest.
Relationships: Judy Alvarez/Female V
Comments: 20
Kudos: 204





	"I hate that name."

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place 24 hours before meeting Hanako at the point of no return. It assumes V has finished all side quests and fully romanced Judy. This includes Panam's questline, and V is close with the Aldecaldos. There will be more notes after the story, where I detail who V is to me and how I see her and played as her. If you like the story, be sure to drop a comment, and let me know if you want a part 2 post-epilogue (with The Star ending, of course). This story contains lyrics to the song Smoke Signals by Phoebe Bridgers. Listen while reading, if you'd like.

V’s hand hovered over the  _ open _ button, her breath shaking and chest quivering. Her nailbeds were stained red—not from polish, but from the blood of people who maybe deserved it or maybe didn’t. She couldn’t keep track anymore. She had spent the better part of a week wandering from district to district, accepting everything and anything the local fixer could throw at her. Maelstrom thugs stole some corpo’s laptop? V would erase them. Some guy locked in a fridge and needs transport? Why not, it’s some eddies. Some grieving husband wanted to put a bullet in the skull of the gonk who murdered his wife? Fuck, give her the eddies and some popcorn. Of course, that last one ended with said husband getting domed by a prick with a badge and said gonk being crucified for a BD… but V got her eddies.

It wasn’t about the eddies. V had a fast bike, guns that could put down any sorry sap who dared bump her shoulder, the best bulletproof linings in her favorite jacket and jeans, the best cyberdeck in NC (probably the NUSA), every body mod she ever dreamed of—she could lay down on a grenade and come out unscathed, jump thirty feet in the air, take a shotgun blast to the shoulder and still beat some gonk’s sorry ass into pulp, slow down her nervous system to put holes through six brains within a fraction of a second—but eddies couldn’t give her what she wanted:

To fucking live. For Jackie, for Vik, for Misty, for Panam. For  _ Judy. _ For a name that she had forgotten.

Why had she essentially ghosted her output for a week, if the eddies didn’t mean jack shit? She didn’t  _ really _ ghost her, but a text or two a day after spending weeks—months? V couldn’t remember anymore, the relic scrambling her brain more and more—felt real awful. And she knew Judy would be worried at best, livid at worst. V felt stupid.

They had fallen into such a beautiful pattern. V and Judy slept together nearly every night; it didn’t matter if V found herself still in the Badlands with the Aldecaldos at sun down, she was going to make it home to Judy. They ate breakfast together most days; sometimes Judy would go out and buy them sandwiches, sometimes V would cook breakfast and Judy would make coffee or vice versa—they spent so much time together. V felt like she had known Judy for years, her whole life even. She liked to listen to an old song with Judy sometimes, sixty years old in fact, and would always look at Judy and sing “Something happened when you were a kid / I didn’t know you then and I’ll never understand why it feels like I did.” It wasn’t a happy song, and it probably wasn’t even a love song, but life in Night City wasn’t happy and love was seldom. V came home every day reeking of sweat and gunpowder and burnt meat. Judy spent most evenings just as tired as V, eyes strained and head throbbing from BD scrolling all day. Many nights they didn’t even eat; they would curl up on the couch, limbs entangled, and their lips would often meet halfway through a movie and neither of them would even remember its title the next morning when they’d pick up their clothes off the floor and turn off the TV. God, they were happy.

And then V and Takemura had found Hanako. And Takemura had been gunned down by those he likely once called friends. And now some corpo bitch held the key to V’s survival at some fucking tower in city center. The night Takemura died, V didn’t escape into her and Judy’s world. She made sure to text Judy she wouldn’t be home, at least, and then drove into the Badlands until the tears clouded the road so heavily she had to pull over and fall off her bike and cry herself to sleep while staring up at the stars that had brought her so much wonderment as a girl. She just wanted to be free again, moving through the devastated yet beautiful countryside, singing songs around campfires and kissing her girl in tents under the stars.

V knew Hanako wouldn’t wait forever and neither would the relic. She woke up most mornings to a pillow soaked with blood and her palm looked like it had been dyed red. She considered swapping her grip for a model that was blood red, but she dismissed the idea as soon as it appeared. Judy probably wouldn’t like it, V told herself.

V couldn’t bring herself to enter the final trial. She had lost so much: her family, her clan, her best friend, whatever Takemura was to her—friend? Mentor? Both? Both—how could she just thrust herself into a situation where she’d undoubtedly lose her mental follower or her life or, if God or the gods or whatever, were  _ really _ cruel, both? What if she got to the end and Arasaka just wiped both of them? What if Alt betrayed them both? What if Johnny had just gotten her to drop her guard so he could take over and boot her out, right at the end, when she finally felt real hope? What if—

“V.” Silverhand appeared in front her, leaning against Judy’s door.

“What? We made a deal—this might be my last night with Judy and I want it with no distractions. What do you want?”

“I’m aware, but we came here to say goodbye to her, not to stare at her fuckin’ door for ten minutes.”

“Fuck off, Johnny, I’m just stressed out.”

“I get it, but every minute you spend here is one minute less you get with her. Trust me, kid, you’ll regret every fucking second you didn’t spend with her if things go south tomorrow.”

V waved him away and sighed. He walked out of her vision. 

She pressed the button. The door opened. She stepped in, as if she were walking barefoot through broken glass.

“V?” Judy called from her bedroom. She peeked her head out and her face lit up. “V!” she exclaimed as she rushed over to the merc; she crashed into her and hugged her tightly, pressing their bodies together. V let her shoulders drop as she wrapped her arms around Judy’s waist. Judy eased her grip, but V pulled her closer. They stayed that way for a long moment, neither woman saying a word.

V finally let Judy pull back. V’s eyes were glassy. Judy carefully cupped the merc’s cheek and asked, “What’s wrong, hermosa?”

“I’m sorry I disappeared.”

“You didn’t. I saw what happened on the news, the parade then an Arasaka gunship shooting into some hotel. You didn’t say much in the texts, but I pieced together what happened... I’m sorry about your friend.”

“Yeah.” V glanced over to the kitchen stools. Judy followed V’s eyes and understood, grabbing her hand and leading her to sit down.

“I got your texts, V. I figured you were just grieving, in your own way. I didn’t want to get in the way of that. I knew you’d come back when you were ready.”

V let out a sad laugh and dropped her eyes to the floor. She rested her hand on Judy’s thigh. Judy suddenly pushed off her stool and knelt down in front of V, ensuring their eyes met.

“Tell me how to help.”

“What?”

“I’ve never seen you like this, V. You look like you’re shutting down. You look like you wanna cry but won’t let yourself.”

“S'pose I could use a good cry.” V studied Judy’s eyes that were locked to her own; her warm brown eyes felt so  _ safe _ . 

“Then cry, cariño.”

V smiled. “I love your Spanish names.”

Judy stole a quick kiss. “That one means ‘honey’ or ‘darling.’” 

“That’s sweet.” V brushed her foot against the floor.

“I can get you a spunky monkey? I got the nasty ass mint ones just for you.”

“They’re  _ objectively _ the best, Judy, and you know it.”

Judy gave her a playful slap on the knee. She stood up and turned to walk around the counter to get to the fridge, but V grabbed her by the hand, making her stop and their eyes met again. “I just need to talk,” V said before slowly rising and moving over to the couch. Judy tenderly touched V’s shoulder and slipped past her; she sat on the couch with enough room for V to get completely horizontal, and she patted her lap. V took the cue and laid on her back, resting her head on Judy’s thighs. She looked up at Judy, who was smiling down at her and playing with V’s auburn hair. 

“I’m gonna do something stupid tomorrow, hon.”

“That’s not news,” Judy replied with a smirk. V gave her a little forceful poke in the stomach and Judy jumped with an adorable squeak. Judy reached down to tickle V’s exposed abdomen and the two playfully wrestled amid a fit of giggles for a few blissful moments. By the time they had grown tired, they were sitting on the floor, backs against the couch, panting and still smiling. Judy hooked her arm around V’s and leaned her head on V’s shoulder.

“What kind of trouble is my output getting into tomorrow?” Judy asked, still a little out of breath.

V’s expression darkened. She had forgotten about Hanako. She took in a deep breath and released it as a heavy sigh. “I’m meeting with Hanako Arasaka tomorrow.”

“You’re what?” Judy asked, looking up at V. Her cheek squished against V’s shoulder.

“I’m nearing the end, Jude. The relic’s killing me; I got maybe a week left.”

Judy firmly grabbed V’s thigh. “You’re gonna live, V. You’ll figure out how.”

V smiled, somberly. “I already did. I don’t wanna get into details but the gist is that an AI is gonna separate me from Johnny and I’ll hopefully be able to live and… and I don’t know what will happen to Johnny, but he’s agreed that if and when it comes down to it, I get to live.”

“Oh how nice of him,” Judy said with a furrowed brow and sarcastic tone.

“Yeah he’s a real gentleman.” Johnny materialized in front of her, took off his glasses, gave her a mean look with narrow eyes, then disappeared again. “The catch is that this AI is basically stuck in Arasaka HQ and I need to get in. I’m pretty sure Hanako is willing to work with me, but of course, it will come with a price and she’ll probably want me to do some fucking job.” Her cheeks were growing hot. “Another fucking gig. I don’t know if she wants to kill her brother or expose him or what the fuck ever. I’m gonna hear her out, but… I think I’ve already made my mind up, and it’s gonna piss off Johnny—”

“What?”

V ignored him. “—and it’s gonna endanger my friends, but they owe me one and it’s gonna work… it’ll have to. I shouldn’t even meet with Hanako, but… Takemura would want me to.”

“V, I don’t really know what you’re talking about, but I believe in you. You’ll do what you have to and you’ll come back to me.”

“I’m so fuckin’ scared, Judy,” V said as she stood up. She paced around the coffee table; she felt Judy’s eyes follow her closely. “I’ve lost everything I’ve ever fucking loved, and for what?” she said, voice raising. She looked at the city through the open window. “For that fucking cold pile of steel and concrete? This worthless heap of scrap metal?” Her breaths grew heavier, her cheeks hotter, her eyes welled. She walked over to the window. “This city’s taken everything I’ve ever fuckin’ loved! I hate it!” she screamed. “I used to want to be a goddamn legend! I dreamt of tearing down the corps, of sticking it to every corpo and ganger I could see through a sniper scope, of tearing it all down! I don’t give a fuck about it anymore!” The tears started flowing as she placed her palms on the windowsill and leaned forward. She heaved angry sobs. She didn’t hear Judy get up from the floor, and she didn’t hear Judy’s shoes slowly click against the tile as she approached, but she did feel Judy’s arms wrap around her from behind. Judy’s hands pressed gently against V’s stomach.

“I don’t wanna put words in your mouth, V, but… you haven’t lost  _ everything _ you love.” V gently laid her hands over Judy’s. They understood each other. “You haven’t lost me, and you sure as hell haven’t lost your life.” Judy turned V to face her and cupped V’s face between her hands. “And you won’t.” She pressed her lips against V’s. 

V smiled at Judy. “Don’t forget about my cat.”

Judy giggled. “And your gatito.” They pressed their bodies against each other, wrapping their arms around each other in a tight, desperate embrace. Maybe it was just V who felt desperate. Judy felt warm and protective. She’d never admit it, but V  _ adored _ how safe Judy made her feel. She may have been the one with the armored skin and military arsenal, but in Judy’s arms she was just a 20 something year old who was afraid to die. She wasn’t  _ V _ , she was the girl her mother birthed. The girl her father guarded. The girl who didn’t hide behind a single letter and a gun.

V felt Judy’s head lift up. She was looking out the window. “After tomorrow, or whenever you finish what you gotta do, we’re gonna leave that cesspool in the dust. Night City’s a black hole, and I used to think I’d never escape it. But we’re gonna do it, V.”

V puffed a hot breath she was holding. She slowly pulled back until Judy let go, and she sat on the floor; Judy lowered herself to sit next to her. V looked Judy in the eye and quietly said, “I hate that name.”

“What?”

“ _ V. _ ” She looked forward, not focusing on anything in particular. Her brow furrowed. “Jude, I… I didn’t just come here to cry and scream at the skyline.” Her expression softened and she looked somberly at Judy. “Sorry for that, by the way.” Judy rubbed V’s thigh. “I needed to tell you something before it was too late. I might die tomorrow—” Judy gave her a look, “—and if I died before hearing someone I…”  _ love.  _ “... really care about, call me by my actual goddamn name, I’d never forgive myself.”

“I didn’t know ‘V’ bothered you. I thought it was just a name you always went by. I’m sorry I never asked.”

“It’s not your fault. I didn’t start going by it until after my parents died. You know I was born a Bakker, and when I was a kid, I couldn’t imagine anything other than the nomad life. Never stayin’ in once place for too long might sound hard for a kid, and maybe it is, but fuck were those great years. When I got old enough to start going on convoy raids, I was so excited. Pops was a netrunner and he taught me everything he knew; mom knew everything about every engine ever built, swear.” V allowed herself a small smile. “I wasn’t  _ V _ to them. See, on convoy raids, we wouldn’t use real names. Just the first letter. Wanted to make it as hard as possible for the corpos to track us. Can never be too careful. Say you make a trade with some gonk in a small shop on some highway, you swap names, then not too far down the line you jump some suits. Say they send off a recording or some radio signals are picked up, and one of us has their name called in the clip. Then suits come investigating, and they run into that gonk at the store, he says he traded with some nomads, one of their names was such and such and they went that-a-way, suits know they’re on the right trail and then…” V made a finger gun and shot it. “Roadkill. Anyways, when I was 17… my parents died hitting a corp convoy. Both of ‘em. Not in front of me, but when they didn’t report back to camp, and the scouts left and came back with their bodies…” Judy wrapped an arm around V. She leaned into Judy, letting Judy’s warmth swallow her up. “Every time someone said my name, I heard my parents. And that hurt, and it made me feel weak, and so I became V: the family’s brutal netrunning prodigy, daughter of Bruce and Lori.” V pushed down the lump in her throat. “I started pushing the clan away. I had a girlfriend—broke up with her. She didn’t like my new nickname. We grew up together, and I threw her away. Years passed and I had all but forgotten my name. I’d see my ex around a lot, obviously, and she was the only one who refused to call me V. I don’t wanna get into nomad politics, but I lost all of ‘em when they joined Snake Nation and I decided to leave for NC.”

Judy eyed V intentively. She rubbed her thumb against V’s thigh, her palm still holding onto V. V suddenly felt so grateful for Judy. How long had she been rambling? And Judy absorbed all of it, and let V feel her feelings. V never had anybody like Judy.

“Jackie got me into NC, and he became the best friend I’ve ever had. One night we had gotten drunk, and he leaned over to me and said, ‘Aye, chica!’” V said, impersonating him. Judy chuckled. “‘Mi mama asked me somethin’ the other day, and I said to myself, shit, I don’t know, I better ask V. Your name  _ can’t _ be V, right? It’s short for somethin’!’ I was so shit-faced, Jude, I almost fell off my stool when he leaned into me. I told him, yeah, no shit V ain’t my real name. I told him: tell ya what, Jack, when we hit the major leagues, and we buy fast cars and expensive spirits and the Afterlife was  _ ours _ , I’ll tell you my name. Maybe that sounds silly. Maybe I shouldn’t be so hung up over my damn name. But I don’t know, Jude, it’s like part of me died with my parents. My life was never the same. Part of my identity had been chopped off, I had been reduced, shortened, and so had my name. But if I could make it  _ big _ in NC, if I could make a fucking difference here, I could somehow get it all back. What a shit dream.

Jackie died before I could take back my name. It’s funny, we planned the heist of the century and it all blew up in our face and afterward when I started doing gigs again, they were just small nothing jobs like before. But I just kept doing them; fixers couldn’t keep up with me. I built up my street cred, everyone started knowing who I was, I hit the fuckin’ big leagues… and it didn’t mean shit. I was alone. But then a cute BD editor walked in,” V nudged Judy and Judy smiled at her. “And I wasn’t so fucking miserable anymore.”

“Vom,” Judy teased.

“Whatever,  _ little pumpkin. _ ”

Judy socked V’s arm, and they laughed. 

“Then I fell in with the Aldecaldos—I’ve told you about them, and Panam—and everything would be great if it weren’t for this fucking chip. And now… now I’m at the end of the road, and…” V paused, searching for the right words. “I want to make sure that if I die tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that, that  _ someone _ in this hellhole knows my name. Other than some doll at the Clouds.”

“What?”

“One of the dolls there knew my name, and when she said it, at first it made me real angry because the only people who’ve ever called me by my real name are people I really cared about. And then it made me so fuckin’ sad, because I realized I didn’t hear my parents’ voices when she said it, and I never told Jackie. Can… can you do me a favor, Jude?”

“Anything,  _ amor _ .”

“Can you hand me your phone?” Judy gave her a look, and V gave her a weak smile. Judy complied, pulling her phone out of her pocket and unlocking it. V held it so that they both could easily see the screen, and she went into Judy’s contacts book. She scrolled down to the bottom and found V. She clicked on  _ Edit Contact _ and changed the name.

“Valerie,” Judy said, just louder than a whisper. Judy tenderly took the phone from Valerie’s slightly trembling hands, and added a “<3” before clicking save. Valerie looked at Judy intensely. 

“When I leave in the morning… if you see me again, I want you to look me in the eye and say, ‘Val, let’s go.’” 

Judy nodded and pulled Valerie closer. “We’ll leave this place in the dust,” Judy said with grit. “I promise. You better come back to me.” Judy squeezed her hard.

“I’ll give it my damndest, Jude.”

After a long, comforting silence fell between the two as they cherished the warmth of each other’s embrace, Judy carefully pulled back, looking deeply into Valerie’s eyes again. Valerie smiled and said, “I think I’ll take that spunky monkey now.” 

“Sure thing. Then it’s time for bed… Val.” Judy smiled the warmest, sweetest smile Valerie had ever received. A weight had been lifted off of her that she had carried for a decade.

Valerie watched Judy walk to the fridge, her eyes filled with tears, and she laughed. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is the first fanfiction I've published online in about eight years. V captured me in a way that seldom protagonists have. We start the story looking for fame, money, glory, guns, and girls, and we end just wanting a chance to live and love. To answer Dex's question... we choose the quiet life. Nomad V felt so human to me, so natural and realistic. She didn't really know what she was doing. She got sucked into NC and fell in love with the glamor and it ate her up. To me, V is a courageous, thoughtful, and genuinely good young woman. I think there's a fair argument to be made that Cyberpunk 2077 is a coming of age story in some regard, if played in a certain way. We start the story where V doesn't really know who she is and she doesn't have any family; all she knows is her life is gonna go down in a blaze of glory. But then life slaps the fuck out of her, and she's faced with these enormous life-or-death challenges all the while making friendships, doing good, and falling in love along the way. We finish the story with a new sense of self, a new vision of what life should be for V, and we learn that love and family are all that you have left when you strip away all the other bullshit. It's a beautiful story with a simple end. I loved it, so much so that I felt compelled to write an encounter between V and Judy, who I also absolutely loved of course. Judy feels so rounded and real, grounded and authentic. I'm a big fan of BioWare games, and I love that in their games there's always a big love scene between the PC and your love interest the night before the final battle. I wanted such a scene in Cyberpunk, so I wrote one! If you guys like this enough I'd be happy to write more, to put events in my headcanon onto paper (so to speak). I have ideas for some simple text threads between Val and Judy, and I've thought a bit about Judy, Panam, and Val's adventures after the epilogue. Thanks for reading.
> 
> \- aGrimTurtle


End file.
